Thursday, December 10, 2009


This road thing? It can be taken however you want. But my road is chilling in a random straw hut with a coconut drink or wiping the sweat from my dusty brow somewhere in Texas or walking through a small town where the signs advertising old little businesses are half disintegrated on brick building walls due to the new Walmart Supercenter.

My road is me, alone, being someone and picking up odd jobs to put food in my belly. I want to visit a small town and fall in love with a tiny cottage and live there for a year or two, painting and drinking lemonade on my little back porch.

I want my hair to grow back out to it's original blonde, long and in a million tiny braids like it used to be. I want my tattoos and piercings to tell a story.

I want to make friends all over this place.

And then I want to go to another country and do it all there, with those cultures and people.

Too bad you can't make money on that.

I'm young. I'm 19 as of August 2009, and I have a list of inadequacies that hinder me from talking about myself to strangers. But this is my blog where I tell all, so here goes.

1) I don't even have my permit yet. I'm almost twenty and unlike every other teenager in America, I didn't have an aching desire to jump behind the wheel as soon as I hit 15. That changes in about a week, when I become fully confident in road signage. I kind of need a license and car in order to fulfill my dreams.

2) I didn't graduate with my class. There was this senior project thing and I was never good with deadlines so I didn't turn in my research paper which meant I couldn't present my project which means I had to take summer school and there isn't a picture of me shaking the principal's hand onstage in my cap and gown. It says May 31 on the diploma, but I really graduated in July.

3) I've had exactly one job. I worked at McDonald's on Marlin Drive in Greenwood, IN for seven months, and when that had to be rebuilt I was transfered to the one a mile or two from my house and it sucked there so two months later I quit. That, however, is not the only reason I quit. Anyway. One fast food job, I wonder how that will look on my resume...

4) I'm not in college. I've been out of high school for two years (one and a half but I round up) and I'm just now seriously considering college. But I still don't really know what to do. Well. I know what I want to do but it doesn't particularly use much of a degree to do it and also the pay really sucks.

5) I never went to prom. I kinda wanted to, but at the same time, I didn't. I'd only known these people for two years because we moved from SC to IN my junior year, and honestly I'm not much of a prom-type person. I'm a ballgown person, I'm a dancing person, but I'm not a...prom person. I know that makes sense. Anyway, everyone tells me that I'll regret it, and that hasn't happened yet but I suspect one day I'll wake up with a rock of dread sitting in my stomach and realize that yes, I skipped prom, and yes, I do regret it all. My life would be so much better if I went to prom.

More things that make me weird/a bad person
(aka Things That Make Me Sound Depressing In My First Blog Post):

1)I'm a terrible friend. I don't really keep great contact with people because (and I know, this is horrible) I forget about them. Really. It's not that they aren't important, I just don't have that innate sense of keeping up with friends that most girls my age have.

2) I like being single. I know, weird.

3) I'm a total dork (not a whale penis, the other meaning). I love the geeky stuff, minus WoW and technological knowledge. I dork out over books and things.

4) I. Adore. Books. That's actually something I really like about myself, but it may seem weird to you, like it was to all my peers in high school.

5) I once belonged to Dork Club.

6) I wanted to become a director. Stage or film. But I lost interest in that after a while.

7) I made a terrible zombie movie.

8)I'm usually very indecisive. Lately I've been really trying not to be, because that hasn't gotten me anywhere so far.

9) As of this moment, I've been awake for twenty-two hours and sixteen minutes.

So there we are.

Tune in later when I talk about making my dreams come true and my shameless self-advertising of this blog so I have a semi-steady income.

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