Is there a difference between not knowing what to do and knowing there isn't anything for you to do?
Do I have to do something? Am I here in this world right now just to float along, or do I have a purpose? Do I need a purpose?
I feel like I have had purposes and I've given them up for nothing. I feel stagnant. And this isn't the first time. Sure, I'll find something to pre-occupy myself with for a while. But then this feeling creeps up on me again. It's not an emptiness, its more of a big oval of blank, beige, dullness. I've squandered away every chance I had and now I'm done.
I know, I should have hope in my future. But there is no hope, and that isn't an uncomfortable thought. It's just...there.
It sits here in my stomach and heart and head and waits for me to do something about it.
And yes, there is a pinkish red glow of a streak that is bleeding faintly across my beige board. But I describe it and it disappears again.
Someone help me?
No, it can't really be helped.
My fingers are cold and they ache.
You know, these are questions that I ask myself on a daily basis and as an aspiring writer, I too question my purpose...I have come to a conclusion though. My purpose is to share my inner world with the real world. Some may hate it, some may love and others may not understand it...either way I know where I stand in this life. We all don't fit into a specific box or genre of human being. You need to define yourself, instead of letting society do it for you. It's a long journey but I know you're willing to accept it. Great thought process :)
ReplyDeleteThank you for that, "My purpose is to share my inner world with the real world" has been running through my head since I read it. Which has actually been a few days now, sorry that I didn't respond sooner!
ReplyDeleteI am willing to accept it, and thank you for having that confidence in me. :D