Thursday, November 18, 2010


I finished a glove in two days. It would have only taken one, but I was too busy to keep going.

Did I tell you all that I knit?

Its something I've been doing for quite a few months now, and I adore it.

My friend C is in the hospital. She hasn't told me what happened or why, but I assume that she'll reveal it to me when I visit her. I would have visited today, but my mother came up with a few reasons why we just couldn't, even after I called work and told them I would be an hour or two late.

I'd like to tell you all why I spent some time crying last night. This isn't easy for me, because I'm still in the "crying=weakness" mindset, and I don't like appearing less than or wanting in front of anyone.

My little brother and I used to fight like cats and dogs. We would quarrel over the tiniest things and for the longest time. Last night I wasn't in the greatest of moods, and I was mean to him over something silly. Yes, I said that he should just not talk to me, and yes I did call him retarded. I understand that the pain I felt from his retaliating words is probably the same pain he felt from my beginning words.

But he knows how to hurt me, and he uses the same phrases every time we have a spat.

I think I've mentioned before how behind I am in what is typically conceived as a "normal" life. I have my permit, but not my license. I have a job, but I've gone quite a long time without one. I am not in college, nor do I know what I would do or study if I were in college.

I'm twenty years old. I've lived away from home multiple times, all for short periods because something just always didn't work out. I'm not prepared for life in any way.

I don't know what to do about this. I don't know where to go, or if I should talk to someone. I'm completely and totally lost. Most of the time, when I'm down about this, I wish that someone would just take my hand and tell me what I should do, because I have no clue.

So maybe you all know what I'm talking about?


  1. oh dear.
    i am so sorry to hear this.

    me and my sister are like this.


  2. I guess that depends on what you want to do first.

    Would you rather find a steady job first or go to school? You can do both.

    Make a list of priorities and whatever is first one that list is the one you tackle. You can then take each step one at a time.

    Baby steps. That's all life is. A cumulation of baby steps. Don't be afraid to take your first one =)